Sunday, September 20, 2015

Winners and Losers in Week 3 of the CFB season….

Coach Jim Bob Sez…

Winners and Losers in Week 3 of the CFB season….



      1.       Callin’ Baton Rouge.  They play this Garth Brooks song on the PA system in Tiger Stadium for LSU home games.  The crowd loves it.  The lyrics to the second verse begin with, “A replay of last night's events roll through my mind.”  When they replay the highlights of Saturday afternoon’s LSU-Auburn game on TV Saturday night and Sunday morning---guess who’ll have won???  The Tigers.  The ones in purple and gold.  Why???  Because zen master Les will make sure running back Leonard Fournette gets the balls about 32 times.  Winner: LSU.


2.       Give Ireland back to the Irish.  It’s a McCartney song.  In South Bend on Saturday, the “Sherman, set the Way-Back Machine for 1971” Ga Tech Yellerjackets bring their 20th Century Wishbone-esque offense to town.  They’ll try to disrupt the luck of the Irish who are now sans QB Malik Zaire and running back Tarean Foster.  As the Coach would say, not so fast.  The Irish defense prevails.  Winner: Notre Dame.


3.       Do you want fries with that Big Mac?  The Holy S#@! wins by MAC teams of the last two weeks will end Saturday in Columbus when the Buckeyes relegate N. Ill. and MAC fans from the McD’s dining room to the drive-thru.  After the shock-and-awe that Cardale and Zeke hand out, the Huskies will choose to settle for post-game items off the “dollar menu,” not the much higher priced big board.  ‘Cause  they ain’t gonna have much of an appetite after the beatdown.  Winner: OSU.


4.       I’m down with my…..  The Ole Miss traveling Grove-on-the-road party brings its Hoddy-Toddiness to T-Town Satiddy night. The Rebel fans should bring along lots of Mint Juleps, ‘cause they’re likely to need them.  Especially about late 3rd quarter when the Sabes smells blood in the Bryant-Denny crimson water and becomes even more intent on revenge after last year’s loss in Oxford.  Since ’07, The Sabes is 9-1 against teams he lost to the year before.  And, Sir Lane-a-lot will unleash Derrick Henry and Kenyan Drake in the same backfield (YouTube last week’s Bama game) as he continues to rejoice in his latest Reggie-Lindell duo.  The Tide D has this song they like to have played on the PA before they take the field. It’s a C Murder tune, “Down with My N……”  Oh, they don’t play the lyrics, just the melody.  That oughta be enough. Winner: Bama.


5.       Keep Austin Weird. That’s the city slogan. Seriously. How fitting for the clash of the karmas in Austin as Cal-Berkley comes to San Francisco’s branch office in the Southwest (I have that copyrighted, so use it at your own peril.).  The 2-0 Bears will quickly ascertain that fall has not arrived in the ATX.   Under a blazing mid-September sun, the Horns will attempt to erase some doubts after the loss to ND and the win against Rice in which they were out-offensed 442-277.  The Owls also had the ball 44:02.  But, after a late-night arrival at SFO, the Bears will likely be remembering the immortal words of The Dead, “What a long, strange trip it’s been.”  Winner: Texas 

And, now, some quick headlines

 What would Mr. Cool do?  Arkansas @ Texas Tech.  Kliff Kingsbury, the winner of the Ryan Gosling look-alike contest (NCAA coaches division) unleashes his Texas Tech aerial circus on a still-reeling Arkansas that’s suffering from a bloated tummy courtesy of a Big MAC.  Winner:  The Red Raiders.

The Ghost of Lewis Grizzard.  South Carolina @ GA.  The late, great Southern journalist/humorist’s ashes are scattered beneath the Sanford stadium grass.  Lewis loved the Dawgs.  And watching his beloved Dawgs between the hedges.  Steve and the ‘Cocks won’t.  Winner: Gawjuh.

I love L.A.   Stanford @ USC.  Sing along with me, now….Century Boulevard (We love it) Victory Boulevard (We love it)  Santa Monica Boulevard (We love it) Sixth Street (We love it, we love it) We love L.A.  …Eh, not so fast Cardinal fans.  Winner: USC.

Babes in Lotusland.  BYU @ UCLA.  The Cougars’ QB, 22-year old freshman (mission trips will age you) Tanner Mangum, is the off-the-bench player of the year. The Bruins’ freshman, so-far, sensation Josh Rosen is lighting up the Rose Bowl.  UCLA is #10; BNYU is #19.  Nine place differential.  Hmmmm.  Bruins by 9. Winner UCLA.



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